Tis the season to see friends and family, attend special programs, and tour the lights. As our family sat around the dinner table the other night, a question came up, “What are your favorite family traditions?” Everyone named a Christmas tradition–a few simply said, “All the stuff we do at Christmas.”
Yet, as special as those events can be–all too often they can lead to meltdowns. Tantrums, crying spells, extra fighting–and that’s just the parents. What can we do to keep the “special” in special events?
Children (and parents) misbehave most often when they are tired, hungry, or out of their routine. The key to preserving the joy of family events is to think ahead for each of these.
Aim to keep family members rested. Whether the family attends a special concert or a neighborhood party, special events tend to go past bedtimes. With darkness descending ever earlier–the toll is even greater. When parents know that evening’s activities will likely keep children up too late, including a rest in the daily schedule may be the key to preserving the evening fun. As home schoolers we have the advantage of orienting the day to match life. Too often the realization of upcoming breaks persuades us to try to squeeze every last math problem or research paper out of our children before the break begins. Added to the increased strain holidays bring with their added commitments and activity, that can be the last straw.
Better approach–recognize that January through March offer long days with not much else to do but school. Save the push for the winter months and enjoy the wonder and joy of Christmas. On our third year of home schooling, (because we still had only young learners) we opted to take the month of December to devote to enjoying Christmas. We made crafts, baked goods for gifts baskets, read great books on the history and meaning of both Christmas and Christ’s birth from a variety of perspectives. We took on special projects to minister to neighbors. The lighter approach meant less strain and more enjoyment. Even though we can’t take the month anymore–we do focus on core subjects rather than the full schedule. More, I do include rest times for the younger members, even if it’s just an hour in bed reading. This keeps the energy going when special events run late.
Aim to prevent hunger. Special events often center on food–but the timing can be very different than your home meal schedule. A package of cheese crackers or baggie of almonds can make all the difference. When children, or spouse, starts getting grumpy because their stomach is growling and the host won’t serve food for another hour–pull out the reserve snacks and head off melt-downs.
Aim to preserve routine. The thing about special events? They’re . . .special. Out of the ordinary. Out of the routine. Children thrive on routine. Routine offers security, predictability, and signals for how to act. Deprived of these–children can feel like they are in a metaphorical free-fall. Not the best feeling for inducing good behavior.
We can help by offering the benefits of routine–even when routine is missing. Before going into Grandma’s for the family party or the concert hall, remind children of behavioral expectations: use manners, give adults the seats and sit on the floor, listen to others, etc. If children only see family members at Christmas, offer reminders as to who they will see and how they are connected. You might also offer interesting details that allow your children to connect. Let children know how long you will be there and what to expect during the event.
Just as important–keep your December calendar in front of you at all times. When a friend calls to invite you for a neighborhood gathering, check the calendar. Don’t just look to see if you are booked. Look to see how many other nights are booked. Preserve nights to be home and rest. You can even take the time to block out nights at the beginning of the month to ensure time at home.
Tis the season to enjoy family, friends, and special events. By remembering the triggers for misbehavior and preparing ahead, we can help keep the “special” in special events. We trade tears and tantrums for wonderful family memories.
Tess Worrell writes and speaks to groups regarding issues of family life and living as a Godly woman. She and husband, Mike Worrell, live in Madison, Indiana, where they are in their 14th year of home schooling. She would love to hear your insights. Comment here or email her at tess@YourFamilyMatterstous.com. If you would like Tess to speak to your home school or church group, you can learn more about her speaking at YourFamilyMatterstous.com.