“No fair!” How often do your children shout these words?
In our home, the cry of “No fair!” is usually followed by a call for mom to come work things out. I don’t know about you, but the thing I like most about our home schooling (being together, building family, teaching my children how to relate) can so often become the element that overwhelms me most. When sibling conflicts pile one on top of the other, I can get really tired of being the one to sort it out.
Yet, I’ve learned–these are golden opportunities. In these everyday times of personalities clashing, we parents can bring the teaching of God to very concrete situations. We show our children how to follow God in the real world.
How does this work when our children cry, “No fair”? We can begin by shifting their vision to God’s definition of fair, then asking, “Is God’s standard being followed?”
Usually, our children’s cry of “no fair” means, “I didn’t get what I deserve.” Children cry foul when they want the red truck but brother keeps playing with it, when sister gets the bigger piece of cake, when older siblings get to stay up but they have to go to bed. What does God mean by fair?
Fair can mean:
- that the reasonable and just outcome has occurred. Proverbs 2:9, Judges 9:16, Luke 3:12-13
- that the needs of everyone in the situation have been met. Col. 4:1
- that children have each treated the others the way they would want to be treated. Luke 6:31
When our children cry “no fair,” our best strategy may be to simply ask questions that point to God’s standard.
- “Did the just outcome occur?” In the tousle over the red truck, what would be the just outcome? That the owner of the truck gets to be in charge? That everyone had an equal turn? That brother, who began the game with the truck, gets to carry it out without sister coming along and taking the key piece to brother’s game just because the fun brother was having caught her eye?
- “Did you make sure everyone’s needs were met?” We can ask everyone involved what they did to ensure that others’ interests were considered and needs met. What could happen with the red truck to ensure this outcome?
- “Did you treat your sibling the way you would want to be treated?” This question trains our children to always look at others with the eyes of Christ. What would you have wanted your sibling to do? Did you do that first?
Yes, the process can be exhausting. Teaching our children to follow God takes our best energy, time, and wisdom. Yet, isn’t this why we’re home schooling in the first place? To use every moment God puts in our day to point to Him?
The benefit? Moment by moment, day by day–our children learn to see others as God does and to match their everyday choices to His standard. Moment by moment, day by day our homes grow into God’s kingdom ruled by His standard and filled with His grace. That promise transforms the cry of “No fair!” from an overwhelming challenge into a golden teachable moment to point to Christ and His way of living.