At 5:12 last Wednesday morning the lights came on.
No, not the electric lights. Something dawned on my heart–and I realized something.
I awoke to use the bathroom, and as I got out of bed, I began to marvel. The things I have historically worried about in the night are never the really “big” things. The things I know I have absolutely no control over–and that are entirely in God’s hands–are not the things that keep me awake.
No, what keeps me awake are those smaller things that I think I have some control over. The things I think are up to me, that I somehow control the outcome of. I lie awake concerned about how I am going to get them done.
And then it hit me. This line I’ve drawn between what’s in my control and what’s in God’s control is an illusion–it’s a non-existent line! There’s really no difference at all. He is sovereign over the big things, and He’s no less sovereign over the small ones. What ever was I thinking?! He reminded me that apart from Him I can do nothing (John 15). My life is fruitful only as I depend on Him. And His power to mastermind and accomplish the big things is more than sufficient for the smaller things of my life.
So I resolved to retire from my night job as worrier. I’ve known all along it wasn’t right, but somehow, I kept getting pulled into it. Without actually consciously acknowledging it, I sort of imagined that I ultimately had control over the things I stayed awake over.
I’m learning to trust Him more.
Scripture quotations taken from the NASB.