There’s an old adage that states “Don’t sweat the small stuff.” The sentiment behind that statement is valid—don’t get too worked up over little things; especially when there are so many big things to deal with. Many times that is a wise practice to apply when raising children. However, there are times—more than we like to think about—when the small things are the most important things, and if we aren’t careful or don’t deal with it while it is still small, they can become life altering issues.
You will find that often the small things that spring up in your child’s actions are actually heart issues rather than developmental phases. Disobedience, selfishness, pride, lack of compassion, rudeness etc. show up early, in those small things, when a child is still young. We must be careful to see those for what they are, and not just laugh them off as childish behavior. What might seem funny as a toddler can create serious problems as adults, impacting careers and relationships.
A Heart Issue or Developmental Phase?
If your two year old spills a glass of milk while trying to set it back on the table, this is not a time to get angry or worked up. However if that same two year old spills milk because they keep standing on their chair when you have instructed them to sit still, you are no longer dealing with an underdeveloped motor skill, you are dealing with rebellion. And that is not a small thing!
If your teen flops onto the couch, acts withdrawn and maybe even starts crying because they are a teen, they didn’t get enough sleep, or they don’t understand their math assignment all while a friend said something hurtful, they have an understandable and justifiable reason to be upset—life can just be a challenge sometimes. They need a hug and a good cry.
However, if they act the same way because you told them “No, you can’t dye your hair purple”, or that they can’t go to a certain activity, or asked them to empty the dishwasher, then you may well have a selfish or entitled attitude that needs to be dealt with ASAP.
If your elementary student gets overwhelmed and behind almost every time reading or writing is involved with their school work and maybe even tells you they hate reading, you might have a child that needs a better schedule or needs to do reading subjects earlier in the day. Conversely, you might have a struggling learner that needs specific tools and some extra help to get past those hurdles and begin to flourish!
Discerning the Heart
So how do you tell the difference between a small thing and a seed of disintegration? First of all, you pray about it and ask the Lord for discernment. Second, you have to pay attention. Parents get tired and overwhelmed, and it’s very easy to miss what’s really going on whether it’s happening quietly in the background or laid out right in front of your face. That being said, you can not let things slide because you are tired or overwhelmed. Take a step back and observe your child. Ask other adults whom you can trust to be kind but honest about if they are seeing the same thing you think you are seeing. Also, make sure behavior guidelines are clearly spelled out and understood by your kids so that you have a standard by which you can decide whether you are dealing with inability or attitude.
Building Consistency
Additionally it is very important that both parents are firm and consistent in discipline and expectations of your children. The more consistent you can keep every day life, even the chaos of everyday life, the more likely you are to notice when something is off in one of your kids. Through home education, you have the opportunity to participate in every part of your child’s life, including the small things—what a blessing!! That opportunity also allows you to see problems and correct them before childhood problems become lifelong stumbling blocks.
The best news is that the small things are way easier to deal with! A little time, a little discipline, a little consistency, and a little effort go a very long way when your children are still learning, growing, and becoming amazing adults. Consider this your sign to step up, and set them up for their future success.